Great Untruths, Part 2
Seriously, stop repeating this crap. In a earlier entry, I covered many of the quotes from a long list of supposed “Great Truths” that make anti-government activists tingle with delight. Here’s the second half, along with the correct attributions and context. The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin. — Mark Twain Once again, this quote is misattributed to Mark Twain. Mortimer Caplan said this in Time in 1963, or at least something like it. The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools. — Herbert Spencer, English Philosopher (1820-1903) True, Spencer said this, and he was a…
Aphorisms to Avoid, Special Edition: Absolute Power
Humans love absolutes. Yes or no. Chocolate or vanilla. Team A or Team B. We also love to blame the guy in charge. We tend to throw this particular aphorism around: Power corrupts. Absolute power corrupts absolutely. To many, this is a truism, but let’s go through it piece by piece and study its context. Does Power Corrupt? “Power” could mean anything: the power to control a population, to lead an army, to make a ham sandwich, or even to vote. Do all of these corrupt? Doubtful. Perhaps we can assume that the power we’re talking about here is the first I mentioned, to control a population. But is it really the power that corrupted…
Yet More Aphorisms to Avoid
You know what happens when you assume? You make an “ass” out of “u” and “me”. So we should never assume anything? Yes, people sometimes make absurd inferences about particular situations, but can we agree that this is a case of coincidental word structure and not a divine instruction that we should never make inferences? Do non-English speakers consistently make ridiculous assumptions because they don’t have this etymological convenience? This is like saying “never go farther, because then you have ‘fart’ed on ‘her’.” The problem isn’t the concept of assumption; rather, it’s how you got there in the first place that worries me. Sports build character. Americans often ascribe attributes to certain activities. If we…
Aphorisms to Avoid, Slogans Edition
Very often, an advertising slogan or marketing gimmick becomes so prevalent that it enters our lexicon as a common aphorism. Here are some to avoid: Only You Can Prevent Wildfires It never hurts to make sure kids know basic fire safety rules, but cartoon characters target the 6-10 age group, not the people who typically start wildfires. Think about this for a second. The National Park Service has spent millions of dollars over the last few decades on a cartoon character dedicated to ensuring that children prevent wildfires. How often do children cause (or prevent) wildfires? Is there a dramatic need to ensure kids don’t start random fires in our national parks? This is the equivalent…
Even More Aphorisms to Avoid
Here we go again: The road to hell is paved with good intentions. The point is that if you try to do something good for somebody, you’ll end up screwing things up because you are enabling them. By extension, we’re to think that good intentions are by their very nature bad, and that those who try to do something good are screwing things up for everybody. All those people helped by the charitable acts of their fellow man? Yeah, they’re leading them to hell and those people are better off without them. I suspect that the if road to hell is paved with good intentions, the expressway to hell is paved with indifference. Life is unfair….
More Aphorisms to Avoid
Previously I took a few of America’s favorite slogans, sayings, and catchphrases and tore them to shreds for being hackneyed pieces of tripe. Here are a few more: “You can do anything if you set your mind to it.” I’m sure people who say this know that there are reasonable restrictions like “you can’t fly to Arrakis,” but there are other limitations. Not everyone who wants to be a doctor really should be a doctor. Not everyone who can be a doctor should be a doctor. The point of training is to be proficient at a skill, not just pass the minimum test standards. I freak out when I see people striving for Cs in undergrad biology so they…
Aphorisms to Avoid
Aphorisms are dumb. Good life advice does not come in ejaculations of stupidity (can I say that?!) Life is a complex mechanism and if something could be learned from a tired phrase you heard from your great-grandfather, it was probably ingrained long ago or is irrelevant now. These phrases, when looked at with a modicum of introspection, mean nothing. They sound nice but have no bearing on our lives. Here are a few of my favorites: Those who ignore history are doomed to repeat it. Those who dwell on it are doomed to find false parallels. Society has over 2000 years of written history, so there will always be something we can compare modern events…
